Social Wreck Anonymous
by Nemi-Dina
Summary: "You can't remember the last time you laughed or the last time you lead a normal life? Come join our beautiful and cheerful and healing circle! A place that feels like home! A place where all can speak their problems and where all help each other!" - Social Wreck Anonymous, animated by Effie Trinket and Haymitch Abernathy. (Modern day, high school, and a lot of dark humor.)
1. Chapter 1

_You can't remember the last time you laughed or the last time you lead a normal life? Come join our beautiful and cheerful and healing circle! A place that feels like home! A place where all can speak their problems and where all help each other! _

_- Social Wreck Anonymous, animated by Effie Trinket and Haymitch Abernathy._

* * *

"No. Absolutely not." I growl at my sister.

"Oh, common, it can only be a good experience and it's not like you have anything to lose." She says matter-of-factly.

"No, given how stupid the flyer is, this can only be a bad experience. And I mean bad like diarrhea leaving stinky bits of muddy-like poo up your butt! " I holler like a lunatic.

Primrose Everdeen, my all-too-serious fourteen years-old sister, looks around frantically like an embarrassed adult, fearing that some student might have heard my inept answer.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to be so loud? Especially when you're blurting out obscenities." She warns and points her index finger at me.

"Obscenities?" I snort out. "You think _poo_ is an obscenity?" I add and proceed to laugh hysterically.

A hard cold slap jolts me out of my delirious moment. I wince as I pass a hand over my aching cheek. Prim is four years younger than me yet her hands seem to have the strength of ten men.

"Man up!" She says sternly but I'm already stifling a laugh.

"I mean woman up! No, I mean straighten up, I mean you know just..." She mutters exasperatedly.

"Just _Katniss_ up, right?" I say with a chuckle.

"Ugh, shut up already." She says irritably, "just walk in there like any other normal person and be yourself."

I don't even have time to flee when she grabs hold of my arm and pushes me inside the curious room. Reluctantly, I look up and face a circle of chairs which would be all occupied if it were not for the one empty chair placed right next to Effie Trinket's. Effie Trinket is our delusional counselor, she thinks that rainbows are angels' path to heaven and that unicorns still exist – scientists just still have to find them, she would say. I think she's crazy.

"Why, hello miss Everdeen! Don't you just stand there, common in!" Her disturbingly chirpy voice sounds like a dying cat.

"Hello." I say sternly and collapse onto the said-chair.

Effie tenses up visibly due to my lack of subtlety.

"Well, now that everyone's here, I guess we can start with the introductions." She says with a hopeful grin. "Why don't you go first, Katniss? Common, give it a shot!"

I feel myself stiffen as every pair of eyes turn my way. I am pretty sure that I know every person present in the room – well not personally but, I mean, I know I must have seen them somewhere before, namely somewhere in this damned high school.

"Why, there really is not much to say." I mumble with a grimace.

"JUST FUCKING INTRODUCE YOURSELF, ALREADY!" A raging voice hollers suddenly and I almost fall off of the chair.

I recognize Johanna Mason, the psychopath who is captain of the wrestling team and who won championship after championship ever since she stepped foot in this school. She is a senior like me and I know that she is eighteen too, but I also know that she is deadly.

"My name is Katniss Everdeen, I'm eighteen, I'm a senior and I can't wait to leave this hellhole." I say in one breath.

"I believe you left out the most important piece of information." A velvet voice says slyly.

I turn my head toward the sea-green eyed senior and recognize him immediately. He is Finnick Odair, captain of the swimming team. Like Johanna, he is a winner but he also is the biggest whore that Panem high school ever had to offer.

"Huh?" I stutter as my eyes linger on his perfect torso. Stupid eyes, sometimes I just can't control them.

"What brings you here, moron?" someone asks harshly.

I turn my head toward the voice and notice Cato, another incredibly annoying jock.

"Well, that must be it. _Stupidity_, I mean. You're so stupid you've become a social wreck, am I right?" Cato says inquisitively.

"I'm not stupid, you asshole." I retort and my knuckles turn white as I grip the sides of my chair. "I have anger issues, I am obsessed with food and I also have personal space issues."

The entire group nod quietly and it's as if neither one of us ever yelled or acted like the insane people that we are.

"TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK!"

My eyebrows furrow as I watch the fifteen year-old girl squirm on her chair. I know her. And I know what her problem is but I don't say anything.

"My name is Wiress and I – TICK TOCK – suffer from GTS, more commonly known as the Tourette syndrome – TICK TOCK. I love puppies and anything electrical." The frail girl says with a disrupted chuckle.

"All right, my turn, I'm tired of waiting!" Johanna yells out in anger. "My name is Johanna Mason and I'll beat up the first person that irritates me, so please, stay out of my way. I have won four consecutive wrestling championships and I will go tick tock on your faces the moment you try to hurt me or despise me or make fun of me. I am capable of really anything, especially when I have a hatchet in my hand, my ultimate dream is to cut a human body into pieces, preferably someone I loath and lately I seem to loath pretty much everybody including each and everyone of you..."

"Johanna, oh darling!" Effie sings out uncomfortably and interrupts the creepy speech. "You are going to have to make some efforts, you can't just threaten us like that darling, you just can't."

Johanna brings her fist to her mouth and bites at it in a desperate attempt to control her ongoing rage.

"All right, my turn." Says Cato. "My name's Cato, as most of you already know, I mean you _must_ know my name given how awesome and popular I am. Of course, I am not a social wreck, in fact, I am the most perfect person you will ever have the privilege of meeting. I am only here because all of you under-dogs need an ideal to save you asses, and since I'm generous enough to help you, I chose to honor you today with my ever-soothing presence, so from now on you shall follow my divine persona as it is your sole role-model."

"Oh dear, it seems that Cato here suffers from narcissistic paranoia." Effie says with a sad sigh.

"Definitely." I agree.

"I think we all knew that already... given how notorious our lord Cato is." Finnick says with a loud chuckle.

"Shut up, man whore! Why don't you grace us with your introduction, huh? Tell us why you're here, dick sucker!"

Effie Trinket chokes on her own saliva as she raises a hand toward Cato.

"That is depravity, young man!" She mumbles indignantly. "You can't possibly speak like that." She mutters with a desperate smile. "Now, if you think you might be able to, will you rephrase your question, darling?" She asks with a slight nod and gently brushes her pink hair aside.

Only then do I notice that she is wearing a wig, a cheap plastic-like wig. And I have to gather whatever energy is left in me to hold in what seems to be gales of laughter.

"Why are you here, Odair?" Cato barks at Finnick.

"Well, my dear, that was not exactly the proper way to rephrase your question." Effie starts with a disapproving look but a quick murdering glance from Cato changes something in her and she smiles again. "But of course, you did make some efforts, this was definitely better than your first attempt at civility." She stutters and once again, brushes her pink hair into place.

I can't wait for that wig of hers to fall off... perhaps I should knock if off her head and then pretend it was a mere accident? Or better yet, maybe Wiress can kick it off and then blame it on her Tourette syndrome. That would be awesome.

"My name's Finnick Odair, as most of you know. I am captain of the swimming team, I love my body, it's my only pride and I always do my best to take care of it. I think that, unlike Cato's false confidence and perfection, my wonderful being could be divine if only I hadn't fallen for that weird mental illness." Finnick holds forth with a smirk that has grown to be a particular characteristic of his.

"Well, what illness, darling?" Effie asks politely.

"I am sexually obsessed. I have slept with half the student body and I'm currently planning on sleeping with the other half too. I don't really want to though, I just can't resist the urge." He says with a casual shrug.

Effie has that exaggeratedly sad grimace on her face and she fails to say anything in response to Finnick's revelation. It's not really a revelation though, I mean since everyone in this room knew already about his ridiculous debauchery, no one reacts to his words except Wiress and Effie.

"TICK TOCK! That's alright, Finnick – TICK TOCK – I'm sure that you can – TICK TOCK – find a way to get rid of such a – TICK TOCK – such a – TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK."

"It's O.K Wiress, I know what you mean." Finnick says kindly when Wiress keeps choking on her words.

"Well, now that our more extrovert friends opened up." Effie says quickly to divert our attention from Finnick who seems to sink shamefully in his chair.

"Maybe we can move on to the more timid students who chose to come join us today." Effie resumes with a joyful smile and I have to tear my eyes away from her pink hair when she points a finger at a shy blond-haired boy sitting two chairs away from me.

"Go on, darling. Tell us about yourself." She encourages him with a beaming grin.

"My name is Peeta Mellark." He says hesitantly.

Half the group of teenagers burst out laughing.

"Please, don't laugh. I'm scarred for life because of that name." Peeta says sheepishly.

"Is that why you're here, darling?" Effie asks with a lop-sided smile.

"No. My problem is that I'm obsessed with food, well bread especially. I usually cook fifty to two hundred baguettes a night. My parents tried everything. They even tied me to my bed one night, but I still managed to unfasten the ropes and then I ran straight to the bakery where I ate as much as I could. Then I threw up and started baking again using my own vomit, because, well, it's always nice to vary one's recipes and my vomit looked so bright and colorful that night. I could not possibly cook without adding it to the mixture. The day after, my parents' employees at the bakery sold the bread thinking that it was good, but almost all of our clients fell sick and swore that we tried to poison them. My parents eventually lost the bakery and unfairly blamed me for their failure. I have been a wreck ever since and I still carry bread with me 24 hours 7. I even have some in my bag, so if any of you are hungry, feel free to ask for a baguette."

Disgusted, all of us shake our heads no.

Effie has to blink multiple times to take in Peeta's story. She looks even more dolly and plastic-like when she does that, I realize.

"Oh, I see." Is all that Effie can say as her eyebrows furrow.

"Well, who's turn is it now?" Johanna hollers.

Effie breaks out of her contemplative phase and grins at a boy sitting three chairs away from me, to my right.

"What about you, darling?" She asks with an encouraging gesture, a little flick of her wrist.

"Well." The boy says carefully. "My name's Gale Hawthorne. I am a senior and I used to be part of the football team as well as the wrestling team but I got kicked out quite a while ago. My personal issues got out of hand and now no one wants me in their club."

"What happened, dear?" Effie asks with a warm smile.

"I believe I am paranoid. I see conspirators everywhere. Even in this little circle of people, I can sense the disconcerting waves coming toward me. Surely one of you is out to take me down. Maybe drag me in a dark backstreet and then choke me lengthily until you see my soul fly out of my terrified eyes."

"Dear Lord! We would _never_." Effie says with a little hiccup.

"Actually, _I_ would." Johanna says and glares at Gale.

"Before you start considering such an option." Gale warns with a raised hand. "You should know that you will probably have to lower yourself to the worst case of moral deprivation, you will probably have to sleep with the local attorney as well as the criminology physician for the evidence to be altered so that the investigation does not lead to you..."

"Oh my God, you people can't be serious." Finnick gasps and rolls his eyes in annoyance.

"After that you will also need to be in complete cooperation with the local police department and the court of law." Gale went on, looking straight ahead at a confused Johanna.

"I think we're off topic here." Peeta says with a raised finger.

"Not to mention the media – Jeez! They're gonna be all up your ass and if you want to save your reputation you're going to have to sleep with the local newspaper's editor too. That's like a lot of people to bang in a short amount of time and since you're not Finnick, I wouldn't bet on your chances, you know..." Gale blabbers on like he is elaborating an important homework.

"What the hell, Hawthorne?! You're talking shit! Where did this whole thing come from? I'm not a whore, I'm a fighter and a winner, you had me confused with man whore over there." Johanna barks at Gale and then points at Finnick threateningly.

"Enough!" Effie shrieks with her two hands resting on her heart. "This is too much for one day." She breathes out and starts to look dizzy.

"I think our session is now coming to an end. Everyone introduced themselves, right?" She asks with a tired and forced smile.

We all nod in response and she bends down in an attempt to control her breathing. Meanwhile, none of us understand why she's so breathless all of a sudden.

As if on queue, and to break the awkward silence, a drunken Haymitch Abernathy barges into the room. Haymitch has made quite a notorious reputation for himself but he still managed to keep his job. He coaches the football team and rumor has it that he always shows up either high or drunk at practice but that either way, everything goes as planned and our team sill wins each season.

The wooden door which he pushed so brutally hits the wall and scraps a little bit of white paint in the process. Shocked and offended, Effie falls to the floor. I believe she's fainted.

And _this_ is how my first session at Social Wreck Anonymous went down.

* * *

_**Please, review to keep this story alive...? Or at least let me know if it's a lost cause.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Katniss Everdeen**_

Haymitch stomps into the room carelessly and does not even notice Effie sprawled across the white tiled floor.

"Yo!" He salutes us and with two fingers, he gives us the peace sign.

We are all too baffled to answer his greeting though, so he pulls a flask out of his jeans' back pocket and raises it to his mouth, gulping all of its content.

Cato is the first to have some sort of reaction to Effie's fainting. He crouches down to her level and to our surprise, he starts slapping her across the face.

"The hell, Cato! What do you think you're doing?" I cry with urgency and push him away from the poor weakened Effie.

"I was just trying to help, last time I checked a hard slap was the best way to wake someone up." He says defensively.

"You seriously need to consult, man." Finnick sounds very serious as he sits down on the floor in front of me and next to Effie.

"Who the hell are you to say so?" Cato yells out and his hands start to form fists.

Finnick ignores him and I do so too. Disappointed by our calmness, Cato stands up and leaves the room muttering profanities.

"I'm really sorry if I'm being offensive but I believe that I really need to state the possible underlying truth beneath this whole situation." Gale says with a finger pointed Effie's way.

"Dear god, please Hawthorne, don't start with your crazy conspiracy theories." Finnick says exasperatedly.

Holding his head high, Gale waves off Finnick's demand and crouches down to our level. As he opens his mouth to speak again a slender hand lands on his face pushing him away from us. With a light kick, Johanna causes Gale's body to topple over and he lands on his side with a gasp.

"Well, now that Sherlock is out of the way, maybe we can start pulling her up, maybe she'll wake up then." Johanna says disinterestedly and nudges Effie's slumped body as if she were taking care of a mere stack of potatoes at the local store.

"TICK TOCK – my parents once told me – TICK TOCK – that I should just – TICK TOCK – lay the body on its side – TICK TOCK – if someone ever fainted – TICK TOCK."

We all look at Wiress in surprise. I remember my mother saying something similar to me and my mother is a nurse so I believe that Wiress is right. Carefully, I start pulling at Effie's body.

"You think Nuts, here, is right?" Johanna cries out and she is so astonished that her eyes are about to jump out of their sockets.

"Yes, she's right." Peeta agrees with a nod. "In fact, you have to lay the body on its side so that the person doesn't choke on their saliva and eventually end up dead."

Johanna grabs the end of her jacket and shoves it into her mouth, munching frantically. Probably one of her many techniques for anger control.

"Nuts is totally right!" Haymitch intervenes. "I mean Effie once told me that she liked to lie down on her side whenever she took a nap, so let's do it."

"You realize she is not taking a nap, she's fainted?" I remark and glance warily at Haymitch.

"Are you sure? I mean she usually likes to have her beauty sleep around this time, _I_ would know, I have to bare her obnoxious chatter everyday at lunch and she's always said something about a nap around four O'clock in the afternoon." He slurs and crouches down to our level.

His dirty and sweaty hand lands on mine as he tries to take a hold of Effie's shoulders and before I have to time to think my actions through, I shriek and jump up. Haymitch Abernathy, the dirtiest and most intoxicated, and most unhygienic person in the room has _touched me._ He dared violate my precious and survival-necessary personal space, and now I can't help the folly that's taken over the control of my body.

I squirm and scream and kick the air and break something as I do so but I feel so violated and outrageously stained that I can't care about the damage that I cause, not that I can even fully realize what I am doing.

Two strong and tanned arms wrap around me and force me down to the floor. I keep screaming and kicking for a good five minutes but I tire myself pretty quick and eventually stop moving. As I slowly catch my breath, I reluctantly turn my head around to see who's holding me and the moment my eyes meet Finnick's, I go crazy again. I mean I've gone from alcohol filthiness to sexual filthiness in less than five minutes, how can I possibly be sane again? I have been touched by a man whore and a drunkard in one, _one_ single day. How am I supposed to survive that? Now everybody is going to think that they can just come up to me and touch me or hug me like I'm perfectly O.K with it. Lord help me, I'm losing it.

"What's wrong with her?" Gale asks with a scowl as his hand scratches his bruised cheek.

For a little time I calm down, but just because I had completely forgotten about Gale and only now remember his presence. Also, I am surprised to see that Johanna left such a visible mark on his face.

"She has personal space issues. I guess I should let go of her but I'm a little worried as to what she might do next." I hear Finnick say and I hate how close we are.

I hate how our body are stuck to one another, how his chest fits closely to my back and how his breath tickles my neck when he speaks.

"LET GO OF ME!" I yell out in despair.

"Do not let go of her. Absolutely not, and just remember..." Haymitch starts with a nod toward Finnick and I. "Always remember that she is a woman, and women are crazy. Period."

I wish I could strangle him, force him into regretting the disgusting and anti-women things he said but the more I squirm and the tighter Finnick holds me. Haymitch, the alcohol whore grabs Effie by the shoulders and starts shaking her frantically.

"Common, Effie!" He pleads. "I know I have been quite the aggressive co-worker these past few days but you know I could never hurt you. Common just quit playing dead, sweetheart."

"Dear god, why can't you simply understand that she's not pretending? She really is unconscious!" Johanna barks at Haymitch and starts pacing back and forth, munching on the sleeve of her jacket.

"Hey Katniss." Peeta calls kindly and his face appears right in front of me. "You know what? If you behave well, I'll give you the best baguette I have in my bag."

Peeta's grin is so large and happy that it makes my stomach churn. But worst than that is the way he speaks to me, as if I was a toddler having a little fit. With wild rage, I lunge at him with hands as deadly as claws and ready to scratch his face. Unfortunately, Finnick's arms are stronger than I hoped and my fingers barely graze one of Peeta's cheeks. The poor coward of a blond-haired baker backs away in fear. He keeps crawling away until he reaches the white wall which he leans on with relief.

"There! She's waking up!" Haymitch sings out and grabs Effie by the waist.

Like the brutal man that he is, he pulls her up to her feet too quickly and she shrieks. Like a dear caught in headlights, Effie looks around the room worriedly and with a feeble voice, she asks:

"Did I lose consciousness?"

Haymitch opens his mouth to speak and his two hands hold Effie's face, forcing her to look right at him. Something in her eyes flickers, something really weird and I almost Forget that filthy Finnick is still holding me tightly.

With his mouth wide open, Haymitch seems to find speech difficult and looks incredibly sober all of a sudden.

"What is it?" Effie asks and tries to read Haymitch's unfathomable expression.

His mouth opens even more, as if he were about to scream but he just burps instead. A long and loud burp that makes me feel sick. Effie falters and batts her eyelashes in disgust. She pushes Haymitch's arms away from her and staggers away from him and toward the door. She bends down and holds onto the door handle for much needed support.

"I'm sorry children but I think I'm going to have to go on a sick leave. Clearly, Haymitch's mortifying germs are all on me now." She says in a dejected voice and leaves the room.

Slowly, Finnick lets go of me, Wiress stands up from the chair on which she'd remained curled up defensively, and Gale starts walking out with a two inches square pad in his hands. I guess that he must be writing conspiracy theories on it as he leaves.

"Sorry for holding you like that, Everdeen." Finnick says apprehensively and stands in front of me with a worried look. "If it can be of any help..." He adds hesitantly and from the corner of my eye I notice Peeta slipping away and out the door fearfully.

"I promise I never intended and never will intend to sleep with you, _ever_." Finnick's voice forces me to look in front of me and at him again.

With a sad smile, he turns on his heels and walks out of the room nonchalantly, followed closely by a staggering Haymitch and I'm left standing alone in the middle of the quaint and silent room, wondering why Finnick's words aren't helping at all. If anything, I feel a little worried as to what he promised. I mean if such a low-standard whore won't even consider me attractive enough to have sex with, than what about the rest of the male population? Am I really that unattractive? Ugh, stupid hormones, stupid, _stupid_ self-esteem.

…...

The next day I spend the entire morning in a haze, obsessed by the disaster that was my first session with Social Wreck Anonymous. I'm not even sure it'll work out, given Effie's state I wouldn't be the least surprised if the whole thing was cancelled. Not that I would miss it anyways.

"Hey, Everdeen!" A husky voice calls.

Curious and surprised, I close my locker and look in the direction of the male voice which just called my name. With horror, I notice Cato Blackwell running my way and instinctively, my fingers dig something out of my bag real quick. I hold it up as a weapon. Whatever the psychopath has in mind, well, I know I'll be ready to destroy his face with the ever sharp angle of the thick science book that I now hold firmly in my contracted hand – which by the way can be much more effective than it seems. I would know, I have injured so many people with my books I've actually lost count, no kidding.

"About the other day with Haymitch and Effie and all." He starts saying and I'm already thinking of a nice and strategic blow to his face.

"Well, I've been thinking and – " He can't finish his sentence as his eyes remain glued to my science book.

"You've been thinking and what?" I bark at him.

"Will you please put the book back in your bag, I don't feel comfortable talking to you when your hand is about ready to hit me with it."

"And why would I be hitting you?" I ask inquisitively.

I know I'm acting crazy but I'm afraid that if I don't put up such a nonsensical defense system, Cato might end up thinking that touching me or standing close to me is alright and _that_ just can't happen. I value my personal space very much and so far the best way to protect and maintain it has been the scaring-and-threatening-people-away technique.

"Everdeen." Cato breathes out with exasperation seeping through his voice. "You've injured so many student the past few years, I'm surprised you haven't been expelled just yet. Clearly you're fucked in the head and that is the reason why you'd like to hit me."

I feel my blood boil in my veins and my nails dig right into the smooth front cover of the book.

"But just so you know." Cato adds quickly as if he'd sensed my growing rage. "You're too weak to actually manage causing me painful damage and since I'm divinely strong and smart I'd be dodging your blows like Jesus Christ. And if you ever even touched me you'd probably break a bone given how strong my body is." He tries to seem casual and leans on the red locker next to mine.

I keep looking at him warily but confusion must be evident in my eyes. Cato must be just as mental as I am because last time I checked he'd always come out of a fight with at least one blue and sore eye but here he was, bragging about his utterly inexistent divine strength and immunity.

"Anyways..." He says casually and dares to snatch the science book away from my hands.

"I've been thinking about _us_ – " He starts with a flicker in his eyes.

"Us?" I ask with a growl.

"I mean about the whole group, you know" He explains hurriedly. "Well, since our Homecoming dance is in less than a week, I thought that maybe we should all go together."

I start laughing hysterically and he looks confused and hurt as I bend down to catch my breath.

"What makes you think any of us want to waste our time dancing with you?" I ask with a scoff.

"Well given your poor lack of popularity and your terrible social skills, I thought I'd be doing you all a favor. Besides I'm divinely wonderful and everyone craves my company, surely you can't be an exception." He says proudly and leans toward me.

I back away in disgust, fearing that he might be trying to invade my precious personal space.

"Well consider me the one exception!" I mumble and pry my book away from his repulsing hands. "Also, I never attend any of the Prom or Homecoming ceremonies held by our school, I'd much prefer staying home." I deadpan and turn on my heels to get rid of his annoying presence.

Unfortunately though, Cato makes the one mistake that drives me crazy. He _touches_ me, he dares putting a hand on my shoulder, meaning to prevent me from leaving him so soon. And then everything happens all too quickly. My hands, which are in attack mode, swing at him with the heavy science book. He backs away swiftly but the sharp angle still scratches his forehead and injures the end of his left eyebrow. I raise my book threateningly again and let out a breath I forgot I was holding.

"Never touch me again." I warn and the whole thing would have been cool if only I hadn't looked so crazy.

"Go to hell." Cato says through gritted teeth and I notice that the arch of his eyebrow is releasing a tiny speck of blood.

He stomps away angrily and the crowd of teenagers go back to their business as soon as I glare at them.

"What? Want a taste of my deadly book too?!" I yell at no one in particular and they all scatter away in fear.

…...

Once upon a time, I used to be normal. My father was still alive back then and my mom was so full of energy and happiness. They were the perfect couple, married and in love. Prim and I shared the most magical bond I could ever hope for and I had that strong urge to excel in everything I ever tried. I used to be the best archer at school, was even promoted captain of the varsity team. Then I signed up for the track team and the basketball team. I was welcomed with open arms because everyone valued my skill and strength. Though I did not mingle very much with the rest of the student body, I was popular and respected. People parted in the hallways like the red sea when I showed up and I felt like Moses, leading the rest of my peers toward greatness. Now the only reason why people part as I pass through the hall is because they think I'm crazy and they are all scared of my unpredictable assaults.

Among the frightened flock I notice Peeta flattened against the wall of lockers and given how his chest rises up and down frantically he must have some breathing problem. I stare at him a moment too long with my ugly furrowed eyebrows and that seems to drive him over the edge. With a loud shriek, he passes the trap of his duffle bag around his shoulder hurriedly and runs in the opposite direction, muttering something about bread and muffins.

I walk to the spot where he was standing only seconds before and bend down to grab the paper bag he let go of in his crisis. I open it and the delightful smell of chocolate muffins feels my nostrils. I check the cashier's receipt which was buried between the ten muffins or so and a happy smile stretches my lips when I see the logo of the local Starbucks coffee. If the wonderful pastry is not from Peeta then I know it's safe to eat – as in there could not be any colorful vomit in it.

Suddenly my day seems a lot better than it really is... I mean how could it not when Baguette boy suddenly chose to gift me with such precious food?

Feeling happy and awfully spruce I strut merely out of the hall and toward the school's cafeteria where I carefully avoid and ignore my righteous sister. Eventually, her ridiculous waving stops and she casts her head down for less than a minute before she goes back to chattering actively with her freshmen friends.

As usual, I pick an empty, deserted table and smack my tray noisily on the bright red round surface. I grab my hamburger hungrily and bite at it furiously. The delicious mix of meat, salad and mayonnaise melt into my mouth and I almost grunt out of pleasure. But to my dismay, someone even more brutal than me, throws their tray on the other end of table and it slips all the way to mine. I look up and with a start I immediately choke and spit out a mouthful of chewed hamburger.

Haymitch barely mutters a complaint and sits down next to me as if I'd invited him over.

"Bon appetit!" He mumbles and the alcohol stench spoils any chances of me enjoying my lunch ever again.

"Can't you find another table to eat at?" I grumble and grab my water bottle which crackles noisily as I squeeze it angrily.

"Effie won't let me have lunch with her." He complains and sends splutters at my face as he speaks.

I wipe the disgusting tiny drops of saliva away from my cheek and open my mouth to state the obvious – the all too clear fact that Haymitch can't remain seated at my precious table – but I stop dead in my tracks when I notice Finnick Odair and Wiress Aura standing right in front of me.

"Do you mind if we join you?" Finnick says casually and sits right next to me while Wiress choses the seat facing mine.

And in that moment, I realize with great despair that joining Social Wreck Anonymous is the biggest and stupidest mistake I ever made.

* * *

**_Thank you guys for the support, you're amazing. Please feel free to review again, to keep the action going and stuff. And if you have any idea which of the guys Katniss should end up with, please let me know. I was thinking pairing her up with maybe Finnick or Cato, but any other shipping I might try so, please, let me know. Of course it wouldn't be cheesy and boring romance, it would have to be in harmony with the whole story, something either crazy or just plain ridiculous to provoke laughter._**

**_Oh and one last thing... did you laugh? I know I had fun writing this so hopefully I put a smile on your face with all the craziness of Katniss Everdeen._**


	3. Chapter 3

**Katniss Everdeen**

...

I can barely eat anything because it's not only Haymitch, Finnick and Wiress disturbing my usually and perfectly cosy solo lunch. Oh, no it's not just them. If only they had been the only parasites coming to destroy my peace of mind but NOOOOO! Gale Hawthorne as well as Cato Blackwell and Johanna Mason had come along too! And now the entire cafeteria must be thinking we're friends or something.

"Katniss! I'm speaking to you!"

Reluctantly, I look up at a fuming Johanna. Lord knows what she must have been saying for the past fifteen minutes or so. Ugh, I could not care less.

"Forget her, she's a zombie." someone says but I ignore them too, I am too depressed over my precious personal space to mind anyone.

"Hey is that Peeta over there?" Someone asks.

"Yeah, let's invite him over, he seems so lost." Someone suggests.

In my fury, I flip my tray over, causing all of my food to splatter everywhere across the table and causing the entire group to moan and complain loudly.

"Damn it, Katniss? What's gotten into you?" Haymitch slurs drunkenly and licks the mayonnaise which has just stained his upper lip.

"You so need to see a psychiatrist, Everdeen." Johanna barks at me.

"Look who's talking! Oh, yeah, it's just the hatchet girl whose biggest dream would be murdering people savagely." I deadpan.

"I sure am going to murder you!" She cries out and stands up threateningly.

"Calm down, Mason." Finnick warns her and dares pulling at my chair, scooting me closer to him.

"Alright so I think Peeta finally saw us and he's coming to join us." Cato says joyfully and starts waving ridiculously at Baker boy.

"O.K." I breath out. "I'm leaving. I'm not hungry anymore." I say grudgingly because I used to love my usually empty precious table, yet now I can't bare the sight of it being so crowded.

As I stand up, ready to escape before Peeta reaches us, a strong hand grabs my wrist forcing me to sit down again.

"You're not going anywhere." Finnick's voice sounds awfully serious and my dearest wish is to shoot a bullet in his stupid and disturbingly handsome face.

"I've just ruined my tray anyways, there's no more food for me to eat." I say matter-of-factly.

"We can share mine." He says casually and pushes his tray before me.

"Are you insane?!" I'm yelling like a lunatic now and half the cafeteria stop dead in their tracks to look at me.

"No. Just really generous and kind." He says with a disgusting smirk and when I open my mouth to yell again, he swiftly picks at a meatball with his fork and then shoves it into my mouth.

I choke for a little while but that only causes him to laugh openly.

"You better chew, you know." He says and grins from ear to ear.

"Hi everyone!" Peeta's chirpy voice sings out and I hear him pull a chair to sit down at our table, but for some weird reason I can't take my eyes off of Finnick's.

"You like cauliflowers, I suppose." He says with a shrug.

I squirm and shake my head furiously because I hate almost all sorts of vegetables but I can't utter a clear 'NO' since my mouth is still chewing the meatball. Of course Finnick doesn't even notice my panic and proceeds to shove the green thing into my mouth.

I grimace like a baby experiencing bad jelly for the first time and Finnick coos like a pedophile.

"OH MY GOD!" Peeta starts squirming. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THE WITCH WAS HERE?!"

The whole group turn their head my way with suspicious looks and inquisitive glances.

"It's alright Peeta, Katniss is not a – TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK – She's not a – TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK!"

"Katniss is not a _tick-tock_? But what's a _tick tock_?" Peeta inquires with confusion written all over his face.

"I think that Wiress meant that Katniss is not a witch." Gale remarks with a smile. "But I wouldn't blame you for guessing that she is, you know suspicion and wariness are great survival skills. I would know, I am always surrounded by conspirators."

"Oh, look Katniss! A red chilli pepper! Wanna try it?" Finnick coos like a parent would when they feed their child.

"HELL, NO!" I scream and accidentally spit my food in his face.

"Well you needn't do that you know. You could have just shaken your head." He says sadly and wipes his face with his floral handkerchief.

"Why do you think that she is a – TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK." Wiress stammers.

"She is not a _Tick Tock_, whatever that is." Peeta answers.

"What she meant was why do you think she's a witch?" Cato says exasperatedly. "By the way, I agree with you Melark. She really is a witch, she's evil, she tried to hurt me real bad just a few hours ago."

"YES SHE IS!" Peeta yells fearfully. "And you know what?" he adds while I glare at him.

The whole group bend closer toward him, eager to hear what he has to say.

"I bought a whole bunch of muffins for you guys but SHE STOLE THEM! She threatened me and STOLE THEM!" He screamed and pointed a finger at me.

"That's bullshit! He dropped them and then I took them to save them from being tossed in a trash can." I say defensively.

"No!" Peeta cries out. "No, no, no, no – what you did was distance-threaten me!"

"Distance what?" I enquire with a snort.

"Distance-threatening, it's a very popular technique which bullies use to get what they want from their victims. All you have to do is look daggers at me and then I'm supposed to understand your demands and give you what you want." Peeta explains in a fearful voice.

And then I lose track of reality because Johanna is bitting my wrist, Cato is shaking me furiously and Gale is rambling about how much of a conspirator I am with his hand clasping my neck. Apparently, they are all mighty upset about the muffins which – by the way – I have neither stolen and nor eaten yet.

…...

When I head for Archery training in the afternoon, I realize that I really am scarred by all the crazy stuff which happened at lunch. Not only did I have to go to the nurse because I had bruises and cuts caused by Johanna's biting, but I also had a hard time concentrating. According to my lovely and way too perfect sister, having left the table exactly when Finnick started complaining about his handsome face being dirtied by my outburst, I had escaped the worse.

Now I'm standing still, thirty feet away from the target, meaning to shoot but I can't because my injured wrist is shaky and my eyes blurry. And when I do eventually manage to shoot, well, I realize that I can't focus as well as I used to because the moment I'm about to let the arrow fly, the image of a scared Peeta or a smirking Finnick comes to haunt me and I miss the target by a two whole feet. Damn you Effie, damn you Haymitch, damn the entirety of Social Wreck Anonymous.

"Oh, can't quite get it, huh? You know maybe you should reconsider your current situation and just realize that whores and potheads won't ever even make it to nationals – in other words _you_ won't be much help to the team this year so you might as well just give up now, honey."

I blink multiple times when I look up at the deceivingly angelic face, the blond haired bimbo that I once punched in the face – O.K, not just once, I have to admit, in fact I lost count. I think I can remember the last time she talked to me though, but it feels like it happened a century ago, I must have injured her for the hundredth time when she did yet it must have beed a serious injury like a broken bone or a twisted ankle, and that explains why she hasn't bothered me ever since. But here she is now, coming to harass me with her words. What a fool, hasn't she learned from the past? I mean when will she understand that all she has is her beauty? And getting into a fight with me will only damage that single quality which she loves to brag about.

"What do you want, Bimbo?" I ask nonchalantly.

"It's Glimmer." She corrects me with a forced smile.

"Huh hum." I mutter with a nod. "So?"

"So you better say it right."

I start laughing hysterically, I swear this girl always makes me laugh, then she usually also exasperates me and I end up injuring her in some way.

"Look, Everdeen." She spits the words at me, getting tired of my unexplained laughter.

"You need to quit. One of my friends wants to join in but we are too numerous already so it would be nice of you to leave so that she can be added to the team." Bimbo says matter-of-factly.

"Lalalalalalalalalalala." I sing as I walk away.

"Katniss! I'm going to get angry and I'll get my revenge! So, don't say I didn't warn you!" She hollers after me but I just ignore her.

…...

The day after, Glimmer's stupid threats come true. I'm walking by the sidewalk on my way to school when her Barbie mobile passes by and splashes me with dirty rain water. Because I was stupid enough to wear a white shirt, I end up looking like a complete whore. I mean not only my ripped jeans look muddy as hell now but my white button up shirt is also disheveled and looks practically transparent because it's wet. Next thing I need is a pervert stoping his car to my level to ask me to go have sex with him in a cheap hotel.

As if in answer to my thoughts, an old rusty car comes to a stop and a familiar voice calls my name. I bend down to look at the driver and choke on my saliva.

"GO AWAY!" I scream at the familiar face and start walking faster.

"Oh common sweetheart, don't be such a boooore." Haymitch slurs loudly and drives by my side.

"GET THE HELL AWAY HAYMITCH! I don't want to be seen with you!" I yell at him and then consider running as I scan the street for any possible shortcuts.

"Oh, sweetheart, just hope in, you'll be safer riding with me given that you look like a cheap whore begging for attention." He says exasperatedly and my hands compress into fists.

He's just as drunk as usual and he might not realize how rude he is but I don't care. I want to punch him so badly.

"Seriously though!" He mumbles with a chuckle. "Get in before I run you over!"

"THAT'S IT!" I scream hysterically.

Eh... There is only so much I can bare.

Without much thinking I rush to the driver's side and pull at Haymitch's ugly tee-shirt. I drag him out the window and because he's so intoxicated, he can barely put up a fight. I push him away violently and he slams against the hard tarred ground with a thump. Then in my fury, I can barely understand what I am doing but my limbs seem to be in perfect synch when I open the car door and slip inside the vehicle.

"MY CAAAAAAR!" Haymitch cries out like an old grandma and starts crawling toward me.

But he's too weak. He's also so far away from being sober that he can't think straight so by the time he manages to stand up on his two feet, I'm already driving away and down the street.

…...

When I reach the school's parking lot it starts to dawn on me that maybe, in my crazy fury, I made a big mistake, but then I remember how good it felt to throw the wreck out of his own car and I feel much better.

"Hey, coach when are we – " One of the guys from the football team starts saying when I get out of the car, but the moment he sees me he stops mid-sentence with his mouth gaping open.

"Yo, shut your mouth you'll catch a fly!" I say in mockery and walk away like I own the entire planet.

Maybe this is what it feels like to actually own a car, even a shitty car like Haymitch's. It feels like heaven. Oh! It's so nice to reach school within a few minutes when I usually have to walk about half an hour... Maybe I should save money and buy a car? Maybe I should just forget about saving bucks for college, I mean I'm not even sure I'll get in with all the drama that I cause at school and the numerous times I had to sit in the principal's office. Maybe...

"Katniss!" Prim's voice reverberates throughout the main hall as soon as I pass through the entrance. "How did you get here so soon?!" She wonders and runs up to me like a little duck.

"Got a ride. No thanks to you, of course." I mumble.

"Oh, Katniss you know it's not my fault if Madge is too scared to give you a ride too." She coos innocently but I just ignore her.

For some weird and unknown reason, I hate all of Prim's friends and I know the feeling is mutual.

"Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night." I say disinterestedly and turn in the opposite direction. "See ya, little duck!" I say playfully and pat her little head.

"I am not a duck! And I am fourteen already! And I told you not to pat my hair like that, it always ruins my hairstyle!" She complains the way toddlers do and I just laugh evilly as I walk away.

My next encounter is quiet the surprise and I find myself racking my brain for some clever way to hide. When I finally have an idea, it's too late. Though I swiftly pull my backpack over my head to camouflage myself, Finnick has already seen me.

"Hey, there Kat" He says joyfully and leans on the wall casually as he faces me.

"Why, hello, oh handsome Finnick, I really hadn't seen you coming." I mutter in my most hypocritical voice. "It is such a _pleasure_ to run into you." I coo with a very fake smile.

Yeah, good technique Katniss! A voice screams in my head, maybe obvious hypocrisy will, indeed, get you rid of him.

"Are you high?" Finnick asks with a smirk as he narrows his eyes at me and I am very disappointed to see that my hypocrisy-technique is not working at all.

"Ugh, what do you want, Odair?" I mumble.

Finnick shrugs nonchalantly and walks by my side as I look for my locker.

"Just thought I'd say hi and ask you how the rest of the day went for you yesterday." He says with a smile that seems genuine.

"Well, it was a shitty day." I say flatly.

"Oh, Katniss, when is the last time you had fun?" He asks exasperatedly.

"What? – What do you care?" I holler defensively.

"Katniss." He says in a very serious voice.

He inhales deeply and then carefully, he puts his hands on my shoulders which causes us to stop right in the middle of the hallway. I bite my cheek as I feel his warm fingers rest gently on my shoulders and I'm afraid I'll end up doing something completely crazy because he has – once again – dared touch me.

"Breath, Katniss, breath." He says softly when I start to hyperventilate.

"I can't be touched." I say through gritted teeth.

"Yes, you can." He says stubbornly. "Katniss you're going to have to open up eventually, you can't remain so introverted and defensive all the time." He explains like he's some kind of shrink.

" . .shoulders." I warn him and feel my hands compressing dangerously into tight fists.

Het lets out a sigh and releases me.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know about the Homecoming dance." He says with a lop-sided smile and I'm already feeling much better knowing that his hands aren't touching me anymore.

"What about it?" I ask.

"We're all going together as friends. We're taking Cato's and Johanna's cars and even though you told Cato you wouldn't be coming, I thought I'd still ask you in case you changed your mind." He says kindly and I stop dead in my tracks when I realize that Cato was being perfectly honest the other day.

For a split second the whole thing is tempting but then I catch sight of my reflection in the bay window which leads to the cafeteria and I scowl. I know I can never pull off the look-like-a-princess thing for a school dance so what's the use in even considering it?

"So, you think you might change your mind before friday?" Finnick asks with a hopeful smile.

"Look at me." I say with a dry chuckle. "I look like some hobo straight out of a garbage can, even Haymitch called me a whore and it happened about ten minutes ago. Besides, I don't have any dresses and I hate make up."

Finnick looks at me with those kind and compassionate sea-green eyes and I can't bare the thought of the whole group of social wrecks considering me as a charity case. So with a liberating sigh, I shrug and start to walk away.

"Oh, and I just remembered!" I call out with a nervous laugh. "Half the group is probably still mad at me for taking Peeta's muffins so you'll all be better off without me."

Finnick wants to say something, probably is trying to find the right words for me not to look so pathetic but he can't seem to find the right answer and so I leave him standing thoughtfully in the middle of the hallway.

…...

Maths and Science are the most boring classes I have to attend. Unfortunately, there is absolutely no way around them. By some miracle I always manage to come out of them alive, which is really remarkable because all I can think of during the whole time is the large window near the teacher's desk. I usually wish desperately I could jump out that window and toward my liberating death. By the time the bell rings, signaling lunchtime, I'm a ball of nerves. I start to panic because I remember that I might not be able to sit alone at my empty table. Something tells me that even if half the group of social wrecks are angry at me, they'll still find a way to forgive me, just so they can come sit at my table and annoy the heck out of me. Oh, God, why is this happening to me? Why did I ever listen to Prim? I should have never given Social Wreck Anonymous a chance, not a single one.

Sae Boyee or Boyaa or whatever her name is pours illy cooked pastas in my plate and my stomach churns at the sight of my dish. Unfortunately, there aren't any hamburgers for today, the stupid principal thought it would be nice for us to eat "heathily" so he restricted those to once a week. I wish I could murder him in his sleep.

"Want some'v my soup, Kiddo?" Sae asks with a repulsing smile.

How no one ever wonders at how dirty looking our cook is must be a complete mystery. My theory is that she ought to have blackmailed the entire school to silence the criticism but I'm not sure how she could have done that.

"Oi! We don't have all day, so do ya?" She complains with a scowl and I shook my head furiously.

"You ungrateful delinquent!" She spits at me and looks offended.

"Yeah, whatever, you're still ugly." I mumble and grab my tray hastily.

"Come again!" I hear Sae yell at me and I duck just in time for the big and dirty ladle to swish by my head.

It hits Glimmer of all people, in fact it knocks her down and she remains sprawled across the floor like a discarded barbie doll. I laugh evilly as I step across. My day just got wonderfully better, I realize when Glimmer starts to whine, quivering and sobbing.

"What happened?" I hear her choke out with a hiccup.

And then I double over in laughter. Thank you dear Lord, thank you for hearing my prayer.

"Yo, Everdeen! Surprised to see me now, aren't ya?" A husky voice slurs and I'm jolted out of my joyful moment.

There, sitting at my precious table is Haymitch. He's munching his pastas hungrily and if looks could kill, I would be dead several times already.

"Yeah. I thought someone would eventually run you over and rid us of your polluting presence." I say with a mocking laugh. "Unfortunately though," I sound very serious all of a sudden. "you're still alive."

"SIT DOWN, YOU FILTHY YOUTH!" He shouts and his voice reverberates throughout the entire cafeteria, causing everyone to quiet down and look at us.

What scares me the most though is not the shouting but rather the fact that Haymitch sounds terribly sober. Without a second thought I sit down at the red round table and gawk at him anxiously.

"So you thought you could just show up and steal my car like that, huh?" He purrs at me and digs his fork in the smooth material of the table.

"I really don't know what you mean." I say in my most innocent voice.

"DON'T SCREW WITH ME, EVERDEEN!" He is raging by now and as he stands up brutally, his chair falls backward with a very loud thumping noise.

"Seriously Haymitch." I say in my most innocent voice. "How do you know you didn't imagine all that? I mean you're so drunk I bet you can barely see the difference between your dreams and actual reality."

"YOU STOLE MY CAR! YOU STOLE IT AND THERE'S NO DENYING IT!" He screams hysterically and grabs my tray.

In his rage, he throws the tray away and it lands on Cato's chest as he walks by, ruining his food and mine, and causing him to fall to the floor with pastas all over his hair and ketchup on his face.

And then I'm not sure what exactly happens but a sudden change occurs in the atmosphere and food starts flying in all directions. Amidst the confusion and commotion, Haymitch is still intent on attacking me so with all my might I push through the crazy kids throwing food at each other, hoping I'll escape. But I was too optimistic, Haymitch grabs me by the collar of my hoodie and pushes me over a table. I slip over different trays and land on the slippery floor with a moan.

"FOOD FIGHT!" I hear someone scream but I'm so scared by Haymitch that I can't take my eyes off of his.

"Today's pay-day, Everdeen." Haymitch slurs and grabs a jar of water from a nearby table, sending its content splashing on my face.

I can't see anything for a few seconds because water is pouring down my face but I can surely feel Haymitch's hands dragging me up to my feet and shaking me frantically.

"Admit it!" He yells in my face. "YOU STOLE MY CAR!"

And in that moment I do something I never thought I would ever do to a teacher. In fact I do the radical thing, the unforgivable thing. I kick him hard in his genital parts, twice. And he collapses to the floor with a painful howl.

"You're so gonna get expelled." He manages to say throughout the pain.

"If I'm getting expelled, you're getting fired." I say through gritted teeth.

Haymitch doesn't quite agree and wants to say something more but as he opens his mouth, the authoritative voice of Snow, our principal, echoes throughout the cafeteria.

"Haymitch Abernathy and Katniss Everdeen!" He calls.

Hurriedly, I grab a nearby tray and use it as a shield to hide from principal Snow but Haymitch, who is getting up already, manages to kick the thing away from my face and I'm left defenseless.

"I hold you responsible for this whole incident." Snow hisses as he walks toward us. "I want the two of you in my office now." He barks at us with a scowl.

With slumped shoulders and sad eyes, I follow the principal to his office and the rest of the cafeteria all stare at me with smirks on their faces. Haymitch isn't far behind, in fact I can hear his sluggish steps and I inhale deeply. What have I gotten myself into? I wonder as we pass through the last hall leading to the dreaded office.

Oh, I know... I say to myself when I turn around to glare at Haymitch. It's this Social Wreck Anonymous thing. All it brought me so far is karma. K.A.R.M.A.

"I hate you." I hiss at the drunkard when we turn the last corner.

"Why I thought you loved me?" Haymitch chirps in a fake female-like voice.

And then we're stepping inside Snow's ugly office, getting ready to face our impending fate.

…...

Principal Snow has been scratching his beard for so long that I've started to whistle to kill some time.

"Miss Everdeen!" Snow says disapprovingly. "Will you stop that?" He says exasperatedly.

"Well, you can't blame her we've been here since forever and you still haven't spoken a word." Haymitch says with a shrug.

"Need I remind you again?" Snow asks dramatically and raises his arms up to release some of his frustration.

"We're waiting for our only counselor, miss Effie Trinket! She will be here any minute." He says with a flicker of his wrist toward the door, probably expecting her to just magically walk in.

"She must be spending an awful amount of time fixing her pink wig in the bathroom." Haymitch complains with a scoff.

"Mister Abernathy, I demand once again that you show respect to your co-workers! We are all equal at Panem high school so I expect you to honor our values." Snow holds forth as he opens my file and flicks through the different pages, all of which must contain some worth mentioning mistakes of mine (fights and angry fits mostly).

"HA!HAHAHAHA!" Haymitch pretends to be having a laughing fit and then in a very serious voice: "Look who's talking... Oh yeah, it's just _the Almighty principa_l, the one sitting at the throne and barking orders at the rest of us!"

"Enough, mister Abernathy!" Snow mumbles with a grimace. "Either you start acting like the adult that your are or I'll have you fired in no time, you've done enough already."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" I burst out laughing because Haymitch's face is priceless.

"I might have you expelled too, miss Everdeen! So stop giggling!" Snow barks at me and I immediately stop laughing.

Oh... life can be _such a bore_ sometimes.

* * *

_**Sorry for updating later than usual, life got in the way of things. BUT ANYWAYS, please oh dear readers, let me know what you thought of this chapter!**_

_**One of you asked for more Haymitch by the way, I hope they're satisfied, this chapter was totally full of Haymitch :)**_


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